A Snapshot of Thought

Honestly?

2008-07-30T00:41:00.000-05:00

Honestly...
I dunno.

I'm rather in a state of confused unconfusion.

Hmmm...
Maybe if I were to interact with that person again, I'd know.

Or not.

For if nothing changed, what good would it do me?

I just can't rid myself of these thoughts.
And I'm dying just to lose them.

Where have all the flowers gone?
Pensacola.
Pensacola.

Florida Babe.
Lest you stay there.

And I shall never know.

Opposition #1

2008-07-29T11:05:00.002-05:00

I found the first obstacle to the suicide of me, today.

Upon declaring a music major, my grandmother said I needed to "get real" and do something else as well.

I explained to her that my God is bigger than the normal job system of America, and she needed to have more faith.

Don't think she was convinced. And it's weird because she has always supported everything I ever wanted to do.

I won't let it get to me.

Operation Suicide for the Soul is still a go.
And will be as long as I stay on God's path.

A little suicide for the soul

2008-07-28T21:49:00.001-05:00

I don't know if it's just me
But it seems that things aren't changing
Every day is pretty much the same
With a little rearranging
If I do nothing I can't fail
No blistered hands, no broken nails
Killing time, I'm paralyzed
With faded dreams and hollow eyes

I've been waiting for a revelation
For a moment of clarity
Conflicts and convolutions
Ricochet inside of me
There comes a time for throwing caution to the wind

I'm goin' in.
Like a Kamikaze.

I’m giving up on giving up slowly,
On blending in so you won’t even know me
apart from this whole world that shares my fate...

And this one last bullet you mention
is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away...

And after all of my alibis desert me
I just want to get by
I don’t want nothing to hurt me...

I had no idea where my head was at
But if my heart says I’m sorry can we leave it at that
Because I just want for all of this to end...

I've been open to persuasion
Wanting someone to take the lead
It's a little disconcerting
Signing up for eternity
There comes a time for throwing caution to the wind
And so my life begins

I'm going in.
Like a Kamikaze.
Leap of Faith.
And I finally feel alive.

Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you....

(For those confused, I'm talking about "throwing my life away." I'm giving up on trying to be "successful" and on living life like I have so far. In a way, I AM committing suicide, because from this day forward I'm no longer going to be who i've always been. I'm kicking that to the curve, because it's amounted to nothing. I'm gonna devote the rest of my life to doing what God wants of me.)

Thanks to:
Relient K
Five Iron Frenzy.
Those are a remix of their lyrics.

I Win!

2008-07-21T14:01:00.002-05:00

Incredible savings at Ralph Lauren Outlet in Katy Mills.

God gave me some opprotunity to get some new threads I guess.

The Ocean And The Sun

2008-07-11T11:09:00.001-05:00

The Sound of Animals Fighting have a new cd coming out in September!

There may be a new animal in the midst of the squabble.

And Follow this clickable picture to see a groovy vid on the matter.

Jump up and down

2008-06-26T13:42:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I realized that with all the customizations I want, the computer is now about $1600, since it's no longer on sale...

Wanna donate?

A summation of my day so far.

2008-06-26T13:39:00.002-05:00

It's been rather Sluggish lately.

I feel most alive out in the Sun.

I should begin to work out again soon.

In fact I did yesterday.

Taking a day off, even though I don't wanna.

Food Eaten so far:

Weird Nachos (not many, so it wasn't that bad for me)

Experimental Risotto(made with Teximati Rice cooked in Chicken Broth, a little butter, cheese, and milk)

Nothing else eaten really.

It's stormy.

No sun today....

The girl who haunts me.

2008-06-24T00:36:00.002-05:00

Take my stomach
and grip it like a vice.

Take my heart
and peirce it with ice.

Take my head
make it go haywire.

Take my lungs
set them on fire.

Take my limbs
put em on the fritz

Take my soul
and darken it just a bit.

It's so incredible
I can't forget you.
Oh how I wish I could.

It's so unbelievable
I wish I never met you.
Cuz it's too hard to say bye for good.

So be my injury
My frostbitten foot.
Be the death of me
The poisoned cup.

Take my strength
sap it out

Take my anger
bring it out

Take my sorrow
sow it and reap

Take my joy
and emptiness steep

Take my pride'
make it a worthless asset

Take my mind
play it like a broken cassette

It's so horrible
I still remember.
Oh how I wish I didn't.

It's so crazy
My feelings for you.
Darling you were heaven sent.

So be my passion
be my craving
take my time
make it worth saving

Take my time
fill it with you

Take my words
let them be true

Take my days
make em brighter

Take my nights
make em quieter

Take my thoughts
fill them with love

This is my confession
It's been over a year.
Take my words
Please hold them dear.
Of all the girls
I ever knew.
There is no one in the world like you.
It's cliche I know.
But I've never felt this way before.
The lack of the following:

1. Shortness of Breathe
2. Butterflies in my Stomach.
3. Sweaty Palms
4. Lightheadedness
5. Inability to speak.

I just can't ignore.

The feeling hurts.
More than thousands of knives.
The feeling of dying whenever I think of you.
If sorrow could kill.
I'd be dead.
Love must heal.
Cuz I'm still alive.

Don't you realize.
Can't you realize.
My list (the one every guy has)
of all the atributes of my "Perfect Dream Girl"
You possess none of them.
Ironic isn't it.
I love you, more than the English language can describe.
No lust, or need for physical satisfaction.
I get a high from your very presence.
Call me crazy.
Call me Ill.

I don't know if there is a word
that describes how I feel.
I'm not the most masterful of words.
BUt the only one that seems to fit
is "I love you."
But in an unconventional way.
Like a feeling of frienship but incredibly strong.
So before I go.
Just one more time.

I love you.
But I'm unsure of what that means.

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I plan to edit this into a song.

Either Acoustic Soul.
Or Emo.
Or A Perfect Circle Style.
Or Folksy.
Or Something Else.